


2020/2021 fic uploads, Florabella

by skyejamie14



Category: Florence + the Machine
Genre: F/F, Fluff, One Shot, a collectionof random stories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29602218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyejamie14/pseuds/skyejamie14
Summary: A collection of Florabella fics that have been written this year. Some of these chapters flow through and others stand alone. All will be have an individual summary. When I was writing these I was purely doing it for the hell of it. I had no intention of posting them but it seemed a shame to leave them sitting on my computer. What I'm trying to say is these are not the best, and when I was writing I convinced myself they were just for my enjoyment of writing again. But if you enjoy any of them then let me know! Stay safe x
Relationships: Isabella Summers/Florence Welch
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written with the prompt: impossible homework, a text sent to the wrong person, a broken friendship and a 'because I love you a confession'. Set in 2020 without a pandemic :)

Florence looks at her phone flashing next to her. _'I love you,'_ from Isa. What was that supposed to mean? She'd refused to speak to her all week and now wanted to text a random 'I love you'. Florence looks up at Bonnie who was oblivious and then back down at her phone as another text pings through. _'Shit sorry that was meant for Mum'_. She throws her phone on the sofa opposite her and tries not to get overly emotional about the situation. After another few seconds of staring at the piece of paper that was oh so helpfully coloured with fifty different shades of yellow, she feels Bonnie tugging at her sleeve. There is no way on earth she could help with this homework, it was simply impossible. What's a digraph? What's a trigraph? Added to this way does a four-year-old need to know this information? Florence sighs and looks at her niece who seems to have more of an idea about what she is doing as she diligently scribbles the answers in large lettering. 

"Aunite Flo, how do you write flying?" Florence looks down at the young girl she'd become increasingly caring towards over the past three years. Recently they'd reached the point where Bonnie knew different songs and could sing them after a few listens. There was now nothing Florence enjoyed doing more, today though there was no time for music, only school work. 

"F" Florence sounds out using the very limited phonics she knows from her time in school. "L, Y," Sounding things out was not something that came naturally to her. "I, N, G." She finishes. 

Last week she and Isa had had a fight meaning that the times she spent with Bonnie were some of her only worry-free moments. London was experiencing autumn and, Florence was experiencing guilt. There were no other words for it. 

After another ten minutes of school work, Bonnie was set free to go and play with anything she wanted. Today this seemed to consist of bringing Florence endless meals of plastic food that she had to pretend to consume before it was snatched out of her hands. Then soon swapped for something else from the toy kitchen. She loved Bonnie but, the feelings of tiredness and general side effects of insomnia were sinking in again. She just wanted to go to bed. The time she'd spent at home over the past year had faded her anxiety and drastically improved her outlook on life. But, this recent fight with Isa though had knocked all this backwards. It was like being sixteen again, waiting for her boyfriend to decide he wanted to see her. 

"Florence, you're holding your head in your hands as if it doesn't have a neck to support it. What is going on?" Grace asks after taking a seat at the table, obviously done with her work. She looks at her older sister and takes in all the features she's used to and all the new ones. Both of them always joked that they had been cursed with genetically large eye bags. Today Grace could see the purple shade that had started to show under Florence's and the telltale signs that things were being forgotten. "Florence, you still have toothpaste around your lips. Have you just decided to stop sleeping?" She jokes, slightly touching her sister's lip where she needs to rub it off. 

Florence looks around the kitchen that has September sun streaming in. In this light, nothing seemed wrong. In her mind, things were slipping. "Isa and I had a fight." She looks at her sister expecting some great reaction but, there was nothing. 

"Well, you're both adults now. Surely you just need to sit down and talk about it?" 

"I think there were a lot of things that she'd kept bottled up from the last few years. It's like she's had this growing resentment towards me; last week it all overflowed at my kitchen table." She feels the tears falling from her eyes before she's realised that she's crying. "Well, not really overflowed. She barely said anything but it was still terrible." It seems stupid to be sat at her sister's table after all these years crying over the same events as when she was 23. When she sobered up, she promised that she'd spend less time asking for such needy support and more time being supportive. "I'll be okay. Part of me feels like it's time this all fell to bits. We've been friends for so long, I'm surprised." Florence laughs quickly, wiping her eyes and looking up at Grace who, now looks even more concerned. 

"Florence, that's fucking dumb." Flo is taken aback by the choice words. Grace's use of explicit language had faded drastically since she had a child that could understand so, Florence can't help but stare shocked. "You're such a fucking div." 

"Harsh," Florence mutters, feeling more hurt by the minute. Grace never used to be so cruel when she was sat here crying. 

"You two have been inseparable for so long. I'm surprised you're not living together like two elderly best friends. It's not okay at all if you feel like it's starting to fall apart." She looks at Florence, who is twisting her rings and playing with her fringe. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go and do something about the situation." 

For a while, they both sit in silence. Today every sound reminds her of Isa and being on tour. The sound of the fridge just like the sound of air conditioning units in hotel rooms, Bonnie playing with plastic toys like the sound of stage makeup being tipped out of its bag, next door listening to music in the garden like the sounds of a different stage at a festival. For the first time, she misses being on the road and having a purpose. Everything else could be forgotten if there was a good show at the end of the day, if there were happy faces and dancing. Added to the fact that on the road there were endless excuses for Isa always being close by. When they were travelling, it was her and Isa against the world. Today it was Florence vs Isa on the bathroom floor.

"Right, I'm off." Florence bashes her hands on the table after she's fed up with the silence. 

"Okay, try and make things right with Isa Flo." Grace places a caring arm on Florence's shoulder. She'd always been a believer in tenderness but, she knew when the situation required tough love. 

After Florence had said her goodbyes to Bonnie, she takes to pacing the streets for a while. Between all of the recent tours, they'd spent time apart as Isa lived in LA and Florence did, whatever it was, Florence did in London. This time it was different; Isa had moved back to London permanently and they'd spent growing lengths of time together. It meant, in the quietness of the house, they'd learnt a lot about each other and how spare time was passed. Being a musician had always been the dream for the once-off the rails singer but, like many things, she'd found that it was all in or all out. On touring breaks, there was barely a scrap of work. Which, consequently, lead her to be involved in many Gucci shoots and many songwriting excursions. While touring, there was no time for anything but shows and hotels. Isa, on the other hand, seemed never to stop. For her, music was second nature so, even when she wasn't in a studio trying to write and produce her own album she was in other studios producing other albums. The hours Isa spent at Florence's house were filled with Isa on the sofa mixing beats and, Florence sat in her lap reading. 

At first, it seemed weird to her. After, letting distance grow between them, they'd both started spending days together as if they were in their early twenties. Now, she couldn't imagine not having Isa arrive at her door every few days with a laptop and clothes bag in hand. That was until things had become hostile after a small announcement on Florence's part. 

Isa was stood at the hob, cooking yet another breakfast of porridge and coffee. Over the sounds of the kettle boiling and the spoon scraping around the edges of the pan, the rain that had descended on South London could still be heard loud and clear. Every time Florence looked up, from the copy of Vogue she was flipping through, she couldn't help but smile. Isa was practically drowning in the kimono she'd found hanging on the bathroom door. 

Isa had presented her with a bowl full of strawberry and golden syrup topped porridge and a warm mug of coffee, the breakfast of champions she'd joked. Both of them had stopped asking what the plans were for the day. They already knew at this point and, if anything had changed, then it would have been announced sooner. Isa was clutching her coffee the way she always had and was blowing on the rim as if it were going to make any difference. It was then Florence had really started to appreciate how much time had changed them both. Isa was not sipping coffee with half-closed eyes like she once had, and there was even a half-hearted smile whenever Florence's bouncing leg hit the table. Nobody was in a rush here and now. 

"So I was thinking of getting back into the studio at some point soon," Florence had said while she took her first mouthful of porridge and looked at Isa. 

"Hmm, sounds good. When are we going?" 

Florence can remember being taken aback by this question. They hadn't written the last two albums together, for a variety of reasons. She hadn't planned to write this one with Isa either. Now that the music had taken a more open and honest turn, it seemed strange to have someone so close to her in her personal life be there when she turned out her metaphor free notebooks. "I was kinda planning on going alone." She awkwardly confessed while she looked down into her coffee. 

"Oh right," Isa didn't look anywhere but at Florence. "I thought that now I was around and you were in a better place we'd go together," Isa said bluntly. "I want to work with you, not just play keyboard," Florence remembers the coldness of Isa's voice and the way she seemed hurt. 

"Yeah, I know but, it's been so long." There was then a long silence that wasn't natural. "I have to be so blunt and open in the studio. Things are done differently, and I don't know." She remembers the way she threw her hands up. "You're my best friend it seems weird to make you listen to all my organised bashing about in the studio." Florence tried to piece together why she thought she didn't feel comfortable with Isa in the studio. 

"There's nothing I want to do more than listen to you. I'm not asking you to bare your soul to me. I thought you trusted me enough to be able to at least work with me." 

Florence didn't know what to say to this, although she did know that Isa was dismayed by what she'd said. It wasn't that she didn't trust Isa. She'd never had faith in anything else. It was more the fact that when she started writing from a place of peace and not pain Isa, wasn't there. Part of her felt like working with Isa would tempt her back into a time where she was full of youthful expectation. Where every hangover and broken bone was just another day. She couldn't voice any of this to Isa. There was no way in hell that the older girl would suggest doing anything that could be detrimental to Florence's health. Yet she felt it. She knew she'd want to recreate memories of times when they were younger, and the world felt less heavy on their shoulders. Isa had even given up drinking on tour when sober buses were a new thing to Flo. It was the classic 'it's me, not you' and, she didn't want either of them to have to feel that. 

"I'm leaving Florence." Isa had promptly stood up and snapped Florence out of her thoughts. Before she registered she was supposed to say something, Isa had placed her mug and bowl in the sink. "I'll see you soon."

"Isa, don't leave, please." Florence had tried to plead. "Recording anything else doesn't change anything between us." 

"I'll be around next week, don't worry. I just need to go now." Isa had said being mature about hiding her feelings towards the situation. Florence watched her leave and almost wished that Isa had shouted and screamed. At least that would give her something to be upset about. Recording new music separately didn't change anything between them, did it? 

As she walked home through the busy streets, she decided to take a few detours down small roads and other allies to extend the time she could be occupied for. She had been to the studio this week. Poems had been changed into song but, there was nothing she was happy with. It didn't feel strange anymore to be working with different people, people that weren't Isa. 

Just as Florence reaches the park that she used to run away to so frequently, she feels the familiar feeling of realisation and sudden panic. The panic that you couldn't get rid of, the type that doesn't away with anxiety easing breathing or meditation. This was fixed, and she'd have to bend herself to it. 

She couldn't be in the studio with Isa because things would change, her feelings would change. Being with Isa would take her right back to 2012 when all she wanted to do was really be with Isa. At the time, it had seemed like the older girl had wanted anything other than to be with her. They had been closer than ever but, every time there was mention of the two of them dating or Florence tried to bring it up Isa had shaken it off as friendly love. Isa had claimed that they were so close because they had been the only two girls in large groups of men for so long. 'Girls gotta stick together, you know. She's like a sister to me.' Then, before Florence had decided to tell Isa how she really felt, Isa had gone to LA, and she was left drinking far too much at home. There had been other relationships in that time of dangerous chaos. Many of them ending because she couldn't prove that she loved the men more than she loved music and because the men couldn't accept that they would always be second best to the stage. Drinking and Isa weren't related, other things aided the drinking. She refused to and couldn't pin this on her best friend. 

Over the past few years, she couldn't say that she had been full of nothing but unrequited love for Isa. She'd almost forgotten that there was a time where she was madly in love with the girl who had dragged her through so much, mainly, self-inflicted pain. Florence had even come to think of the love she felt for Isa as just normal between two friends.

She sat herself down on the unusually empty swing set under their favourite trees in London. During the last tour, she'd broken up with Felix for the second time. She was over it before anyone had realised they'd broken up. It was the mature call to make, and there was nothing else to be done about it. Part of her knew it was because Felix would never be Isa. He would never smell the same her hug her in the same way. At the time, these thoughts were ignored and drowned out by front barrier girls in flower crowns and full of hope. 

As she carelessly swung her legs out in front of herself, she thought about how she'd ignored the ache of being alone when all of her friends were married and having kids. It hadn't bothered her until now. Now she was sat on a swing set as an adult when everyone else would be pushing kids. 

Today seemed to be a day of reflecting on all the things she had done wrong or all the relationships she hadn't been able to keep alive. Right now, she wanted to be with Isa. There was no one else in the world she could imagine waking up next to every day. There was certainly no one else she wanted living in her house. There was no one else she felt comfortable curling up next too ready for arms to be wrapped around her waist. This time, this wasn't going to be forgotten. There was no more ignoring this. She had to make a conscious effort not to think about all the drunken times she had made out with Isa. That felt way too pervy. Then neither of them had known what they were doing. Now the situation seemed more hopeful. Although there was no indication Isa felt the same way, Isa just wanted someone to sleep with or another creative partner. It had been a long time since the other women had been in any type of relationship, and even then, it hadn't been conventional. 

After another twenty minutes letting her mind spiral down whatever hole of worry it wanted to, she decided it was about time to get home before it was dark and unsafe. The Gunne Sax she'd worn today was thankfully dark and didn't show any of the marks she was sure the swing set had left. It wasn't a practical outfit, but then again, not many of the clothes she owned were. Luckily she'd managed to fill her mind full of so much worry it didn't make a difference. 

It was nice to walk home knowing that the house would still be standing, unphased, and not smashed up. After the How Big How Blue tour, she'd moved. As soon as she found that the house she'd been admiring for years was on the market, she was packing boxes. It had taken a year of adding and taking things to make it homely but, it had reached that point now. It was a base to watch the seasons change, and it had enough space to hold dinner parties. As she unlocked the door, she appreciated that she still had her keys with her so, it hadn't been a totally disastrous day.

"Hey," Florence hears a voice shout from the what sounded like the kitchen. She'd planned to get home, meditate and then cook. Not have to explain any of her feelings to Isa and then have a childish fight over it. 

"Hi," She shouts in return, discarding her boots on the hallway floor and hanging her coat on the overflowing hooks. 

She sees Isa sat at the table before either of them say anything else. Dusk had just hit, and everything had a sad tinge of purple attached to it. "I'm sorry I walked out last week, that wasn't fair." Isa tries to start a conversation while still looking down. 

"It's okay," Flo replies awkwardly, not sure what to say. 

"If I'm honest, I'm ridiculously upset about the fact you don't want me in the studio with you." She smiles slightly. "I know it's stupid but, I suppose I had this vision of it always being you and I." Isa looks at Florence and seems to be just as tired. 

"Me too." There is yet another pause of expectation that Flo fills with a sigh. "It's been years, and everything has changed." She can' tell Isa the real reason, not when she has only just learnt how she feels. Before she can take any of it back, Isa is crying, and it's not a situation Florence is used to dealing with. "Please don't cry," 

Isa chuckles and looks at Florence with black running down her face and red eyes. Somehow her smile doesn't fit her face. "That is like the most unhelpful thing I've ever heard you say." Isa continues to smile at her friend as if she doesn't look broken. 

Florence opens her arms and lets the shorter woman fall into them. As much as she's mad that Isa left her in the dark all week, she knows that it's Isa that's really hurting. She can push aside her feelings to try and fix this first. Instead of Isa's breathing returning to normal and her sobs slowing down, Florence feels the shorter girl shaking and struggling for breath. Arms are wrapped tighter around each other before either of them say another word. "Come on, let's go sit down and you can try and tell me why this is upsetting you so much. I can't promise but, I can do my best to help." Florence whispers, removing her arms and leading the way to the living room.

She watches as Isa wraps her arms around her knees at the end of the sofa. It had been years since she'd seen Isa so scared to be vulnerable, it was also weird to see someone who was almost forty so torn open by something that seemed so small. They both knew it wasn't. She sits opposite and waits. 

And waits. 

Soon ten minutes had passed, Flo had given up thinking about the tears on Isa's face. Instead, she thinks about what she plans to have for breakfast tomorrow and whether or not Emile would be up for a walk this week. Only when she hears Isa sniffle does she realise that they're still sat waiting to discuss the problem. "Why, Isa?" Florence mutters coldly. She sees Isa's face of shock and then the look of almost hatred. "Why is this so upsetting? It's old," 

Isa looks up with hostility in her eyes. "Because I love you. I'm in love with you, and its fucking shit to have someone you love tell you they don't want to spend every minute of every day with you." Isa interrupts, raising her voice and then looking back down as soon as she sees Florence's shocked face. "There, I said it. Do what you want with the information." She stands up and quickly wipes her tears away with her hand. Whilst Isa has stood up, Florence is almost glued to the sofa and struggles to register that Isa is about to walk out the door. 

"Isabella Summers, you better not be thinking about leaving right now." The words leave her mouth laced with venom, taking even herself by surprise as she stands up and takes long strides towards the blonde. Isa takes a look at the rage that seems to face her and turns away again. "Fuck you, don't walk away." She shouts, grabbing Isa by the wrist. 

"What the fuck are you doing? I just told you that I love you, and you're screaming at me." Neither of them can say they haven't raised their voice. Both of them stuck in a circle of anger that isn't fading. 

With this Florence releases, her somewhat iron grip on Isa's wrist and takes another heavy breath in. She couldn't live with herself if she did anything to hurt Isa physically as well as emotionally. "I'm screaming because," and both of them know what is coming next. As soon as the tone in Florence's voice changes. Using whatever energy she has left for the situation, Florence walks closer and closer to Isa and doesn't stop until they're nearly touching. "I love you too and." And the next thing she knows is Isa kissing her. 

This, this was completely new. Sober and without the white walls of a hotel room around them. Isa pulls away, and for only a second, looks like she might say something but, nothing comes out. Florence uses her height to her advantage and pushes Isa up against the closest wall. She feels Isa's hands dive into her hair, trying to pull her closer than is physically possible. In the seriousness of it, Florence can't help herself laughing. 

"What?" Isa pushes Florence away slightly, holding her head with her hands and looking directly into her eyes. 

"Well, I'm pretty fucking in love with you, and I feel like a lovesick teenager again." Now both of them are laughing as if they'd been pardoned from a death sentence. 

They don't move as hands trail down bodies, and kisses are pressed to any exposed skin. "You are a lovesick teenager with a house of her own and a door that locks." 

"That is true," Florence whispers, leaning her forehead on Isa's. "Come on then." Florence feels Isa take her hand and squeeze her fingers. Definitely feeling like a lovesick teenager. 


	2. A calm tour, chapter one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've currently written four chapters on this one concept so I'll post all four now and if at some point I write another then so be it. This is set on the high as hope tour and was written surrounding the concept of 'there is no big drama, many there is just us and this'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't have a big dramatic plot, who knows maybe it's boring.

Florence is not happy with the arrangement. Whoever has set this up or decided that it might be a good idea is wrong, and she couldn't be more unhappy about it. Although the last tour did turn into an ever-turning tired rotation of events, Florence still enjoyed the travelling and exploring parts of the arrangement. There was, a lot of heartache that came with moving around all the time, but that didn't matter. Being under a new sky playing a different gig didn't bother her as long as she got to wander around freely during that day. 

  
Today Florence is holding a thin piece of computer paper, the first draft of the High as Hope touring schedule. It's not looking good.   
This tour is set to be the biggest yet, meaning that if she wants to be back on dry land by the end of the year, they will have to cram a lot more into a short space of time. Everyone that signed to come on this tour knows this. (There was widespread concern throughout the band about the schedule. Florence is sure that Isa almost tried to use it as an excuse not to come at all,) She still had a full set of musicians prepared to join her for at least the next 12 months.   
None of this helps the fact that it looks like constant bus transfers and hotel rooms. No one in tour planning has seemed to leave any days off in-between travel for everyone to rest or run around vintage shops and cafes. There was only one solution, and it involved an anxiety-inducing phone call to the old men that were in charge of the logistics. 

  
"Florence, I know that we've been distant of late, but it doesn't mean you need to completely forget me bitch," Florence soon hears a shout down the stairs coming from Isa, who has stayed the night. Over ten minutes ago Florence had come downstairs after telling Isa that she would make coffee for the both of them. Shortly after she'd found the tour schedule faxed to her (yes, she still uses fax) and ready for her approval. 

  
"Yes, yes, sorry, I'm on my way. Got distracted." Before long she's walking back up the uneven victorian staircase with two mugs of black coffee. It takes all her concentration not to trip over her long kimono that she's thrown over her nightwear. "They've sent me the tour schedule, and it looks like a fucking nightmare."

Isa sits up in bed and gratefully accepts the stoneware mug. "Oh god, that does not sound good. I'm sure you can get them to rearrange some of the travelling times." Isa looks at Flo with pitty. Over the last year, the two of them had drifted apart and seen less and less of each other. At first, both of them were blaming it on their different working patterns. The fact that Florence was childminding for Grace a lot of the time. Florence had even begun to blame the long weeks spent apart on how lame she was at responding to text messages, they both knew the minute a text came through, Florence, had read it thirty times over trying to find every hidden meaning that didn't exist. Both girls were worried that if they started seeing each other as much as they used to it would suddenly be awkward and peculiar.   
About a month ago, Florence had decided to text Isa and see if she wanted to come over for dinner, Isa practically hadn't left Florence's bed since.

"Yup, I know I know, but they're intimidating, and it's effort. Sorry, I'm just complaining about nothing. God, I haven't reached that point where I expect everything to be done perfectly for me, have I?" She questions Isa with what seems like a genuinely worried face. 

  
"Florence, calm down. You haven't." Isa laughs and playfully punches her friend's arm. "Those dickhead's are a nightmare. No one would want to interact with them unless they had to, and you know it." 

  
Florence sighs and rests her head in Isa's lap. "Right, as usual, Bella." 

  
"You know it," Isa responds, already having started to play with Florence's hair. "I missed this," She says in a drifting tone, almost as if speaking out loud. "I can't stop thinking about how I haven't been there for you this year." 

  
Florence sits bolt upright, knocking Isa's, thankfully empty, coffee mug upwards. "Shit, sorry," She laughs before realising that Isa is looking more concerned than amused as she places her mug on the floor (It's hard to know if things in Florence's house cost her £1 or £1000). "Isa, I'm not your full-time job to look after. There was a lot I needed to deal with, and you had work to get on with. Neither of us checked on each other enough, it works two ways. Don't worry. You're here now, aren't you?" Florence watches a small smile form on Isa's lips and tries hard not to think about kissing her. 

  
"I am, of course, I am. I just feel like you had difficult things to tackle, and I just had music. For me, that was normal, but you had loads of shit that," She stops and shaking head. Although Florence had acquired the name 'Robot' for not being emotional, it was obvious, that Florence was the more emotional of the two. She felt everything on a massive scale, meaning that over the years, she had got better at talking about it openly. Whereas Isa was still very classic British, and if there was a hint of 'talking about this could make me cry,' there was no way it was going to be discussed by choice. 

  
"Isa, stop beating yourself up. You're here now. That's all either of us need." Isa doesn't stop to think before she reaches up to wrap her arms around Florence, rubbing her face into Florence's neck affectionately. 

  
Isa moves back to slide her hands down Flo's chest and straighten her kimono back to where it should be. "Come on then, talk me through who's coming on this tour. I want to know all the new people and this fancy new bus Rob keeps texting me about." 

  
Florence laughs and leans back into Isa before picking her coffee off the bedside table. "He is pretty obsessed with the idea of getting a new bus, isn't he? He won't be once he's sat in it for 24 hours." They both laugh. "Okay, so obviously Rob is coming, and so is Tom. Then you and me, we're the only remaining members from the start." 

  
"Bloody hell," Isa whispers. "that all feels like a thousand years ago. We had way too much fun."

  
"We probably did." Florence laughs before starting again after a long pause. "Then Hazel is on the keyboard with you, and Dion is on violin. Aku is on drums, and Loren is also on drums. Cyrus is on bass. I mean, we just don't have enough people coming on tour with us!"   
"It's definitely going to be different," Isa says rather unenthusiastically. 

  
Florence looks up from where she's laid on Isa's chest. "You know if you don't wanna come on tour, you don't have to. I know you have priorities here, and you were thinking about not coming at all." Florence tries to keep the tinge of sadness out of her voice. 

  
"God no, I want to come. Maybe I'm just struggling with nostalgia, or maybe I'm getting old, but I suppose I miss the adventure that used to be going on tour. It's still an exciting prospect, but when we get halfway through, it feels like living the same day over again. Either you, Tom and Rob, don't feel that, or you just ignore it."

  
Florence can't help but place a warm hand (for once) around Isa's face, letting her thumb stroke her cheek. "I do feel it. But I soon forget it when I'm on stage or when I've found a new area or seen someone that I know lives around. I know that being on stage isn't a challenge for you, and there isn't any euphoria after shows. You're not gonna offend me if you leave and do something that makes you happier." Florence knows that this is the right thing to say, and she also knows that she means it. Only two years ago, she wouldn't have been able to give this permission without overthinking it all. 

  
"Being on stage isn't a challenge, but it doesn't mean I don't like seeing the crowds so happy. It doesn't mean I don't like being around really talented people all the time." Isa can't help but laugh at herself. Florence knows she finds this almost too awkward to bear, but she thinks it's probably important to talk about. "This sounds so soppy, but I just want to be around you. When we're on tour, your never more than two paces away. And I love it." 

  
Florence lets Isa hold her before even thinking about what she wants to say next. There has always been a simple innocence in their relationship, something was never quite out in the open. Florence has to think before she constructs her next sentence. "As much as I want you to go and do what you enjoy, I literally cannot imagine what life on tour without you would be like." Florence laughs, trying to remove the tension from the room. 

  
"Good, you don't have to," Isa says, squeeing Florence. 

  
Before long, Florence's stomach had started to make concerning noises, and both women decide that it's time to get breakfast.   
Isa always has looked even smaller than she is when dressed in Florence's old tea shirts. It had been at least three weeks since Isa had gone home, meaning that the only clothes she had to wear were Florence's or her own that Flo had kept from when Isa was always round to stay the night in her old house. Considering the latter option involved wearing clothes that were fashionable in 2013, Isa was currently dressed in a Velvet Underground tea shirt, and a pair of linen shorts that did not belong to her. 

  
Florence's new house wasn't any bigger than her last one, but it was the clean start she needed to write this album. It has a garden like the last one and although she swore she wouldn't do this, she had moved a lot of the paper notes and drawings from the walls of her old house into this one. There were fabrics strewn everywhere and plenty of Morris wallpaper. 

  
Isa hadn't spent much time here due to the fact Florence only moved and year and a bit ago, so every time she walked down the stairs or along the corridor or into the room where Flo did all her writing, she saw something new, something that hadn't been there the last time she had passed that spot. Isa was still to work out if this was because she was just unobservant or, it was because Flo had placed something new on the walls almost every day. 

  
"Earth to Isa," Florence is ruffling a dreamy Isa's hair to try and catch her attention. "Do you want an iced coffee or another hot one with breakfast? Also, what are we gonna eat?"

  
"Another hot one, and we should have toast. I've just seen your sketch about buttered toast, and now it's all I want." Isa laughs, sitting on top of the work surface. "You should really take that down because now every time I pass, I'm going to want buttered toast." 

  
"That's the point," Florence laughs. "Buttered toast we shall have." As close as the girls seem to become again, there is still a hint of awkwardness around conversations. Especially at first, when Florence made jokes about being sober or not starving herself.

  
Soon enough, there was buttered toast and more mugs of hot coffee on the table. Both of them know that they have one week and one week only until they leave. If it was left to them, they wouldn't pack until three hours before they left, but Mairead still kept track of what they were doing, so there would be a phone call soon checking that they'd done something towards being ready to leave. It was decided without much thought that they should bike over to Isa's and get her stuff in the appropriate suitcases before they had to tackle Flo's. 

  
Neither of them had planned this, but it wasn't more than a 15-minute cycle to Isa's, not that it had made a difference this year. Cycling the back roads to Isa's meant passing the studio Florence had recorded her last album in, it meant passing her Mum's house and only narrowly missing the turn for her sisters. If they'd have cycled just five more minutes up the road, they'd have ended up back at Camberwell arts collage. Everything Florence had ever known was here, and most of Isa's life too. The only thing that slightly ruined the bike ride was the bitter cold that attacked much quicker if you were walking in coats. 

  
"Would you ever consider moving out of London?" Isa questioned Florence as soon as they got into her apartment, she too must have been thinking about the number of crucial places they passed on the way here. 

  
"No, I don't think so. Why would I? I like it here, and I'm happy to just fly over to America when I need to so." Florence shrugs and turns the heating up, the house had definitely had an occupant for the last month. "Everything I love is here." 

  
With that, the conversation came to a natural end, Isa started to show Florence around her apartment. Both girls were in relative shock that Florence had not visited Isa here at all, but when they thought about it, they'd only met for coffee's in cafes or at dinner parties. The rest of the time was spent throwing clothes for every occasion into Isa's bags. Both of them had come to realise that touring meant needing 30% of clothes that you could wear in the streets and 70% of clothes that you could sit around on the bus all day. A few hours later, there were two fully stuffed suitcases laid on the floor before them, ready to be picked up closer to leaving time. 

  
"Flo, do you think you should pop in and visit your Mum on the way back? She'll want to see you before you leave, and you haven't seen her for the last few weeks." Isa enquires. 

  
"Oh right yeah, that's a good idea," Florence looks around as if she's lost something. "Yeah, let's do that," 

  
"We don't have to. I just thought it might be best," Florence continues to wipe the same area of the kitchen table. "Hey, what's up?" Isa knows that there is something wrong. She's not sure what, but Florence wasn't agreeing to this as quickly as she usually would. 

  
"The last time I went to see Mum was, what, two weeks ago? When you were making bread," Isa nods, now knowing exactly what Florence is on about. "Well, she must have been stressed about work or something because she was shouting about everything. Like, every time I opened my mouth to tell her something, I was always met with 'oh for pitty's sake Florence there are more important things' or another phrase similar. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive or, I was talking about things that were obviously not important. I don't know, I'm sure it'll be fine now."

  
Isa removes the cloth from Florence's hand and places it on the side before tracing the tattoos on Flo's fingers. "I'm sure she's got a lot going on at work, it's the start of a new term, so she'll have all the admin to do."

  
"True, let's drop in and see her. There's no harm in another cup of coffee, is there?" 

  
"Well, I'm not sure either of us needs more caffeine but," Isa laughs, grabbing the keys and leading Florence down the stairs. 

  
Before long, they're both stood outside Flo's childhood home propping bikes against the side wall where they know they'll be safe. "Mum, I'm here, and so is Isa," Florence shouts, walking through the front door. Nothing had changed, nothing ever did change, and it was the biggest comfort there could be for all of the Welch children. There was always walls upon walls of books that their mother had collected due to work. There was always people rushing in and out. Today seemed to be no different. One of Florence's stepbrothers paced into the corridor as soon as Florence and Isa had stepped in. 

  
"Good morning, long time no see." He smiled, shifting the drill he was carrying in one arm so he could high-five Flo like they used to. "Hey, I probably won't see you before you leave but have fun, don't die, all the good stuff." 

  
Jackson was the most carefree person Florence knew. He was the eldest of her stepbrothers, and it took a lot for him to be knocked into any type of disarray. He only lived at home with Flo for a year, but it was nice to know someone so unmoving was there. "Thank you, thank you. Give my best to your wife. Be careful with that drill, oh god." Florence panicked as Jackson almost dropped said drill on the floor with a laugh. 

  
Flo walks through to the kitchen in hopes of finding her mother at home and not at uni. "I'm in here." She hears a shout from the study.   
"Flossy! Hello. Oh, and Isa, it's been a while. How are you love?"

  
"I'm good, thank you. Just prepping everything. How are you? Flo said work has been busy?" Isa responds, knowing that Florence most certainly had not said that.

  
"Oh, it has, Jesus. I have a first-year and second-year class, a masters group and three PhD students this term. It's ridiculous, but we're short-staffed. It's okay, we'll deal, it just means I can't get to know students how I'd like." Evelyn smiles at them both. "I'll make you a drink. I was wondering when I'd see you next." She carries on as she walks into the kitchen. The rest of the visit goes without a hitch, any sharp words that had been exchanged before had been forgotten. 

  
After a final goodbye to Eveyln, Isa leads the short way home from her Mums and leaves Florence scrolling through her phone on the sofa. As much as Flo knows there is no point stressing over what's left to do, she can't help but wonder if the shows will run smoothly and if everyone will get on. She does her best to put it out of her mind, and starts to write a list of each individual items that she feels she might need on tour.  
The black flared jeans she bought last year,  
The blue and white patterned notebook she wants to write this tours poems in,  
The purple and green paisley dress she wanted to wear at some point,   
Her Gucci fest white tea shirt  
The list goes on until Isa calls from the top of the stairs. "Mmm, what? I can't hear you." Florence shouts back, too lazy to move unless she has to. 

"I've run a bath, come and get warm," Isa shouts louder making Florence laugh and jump up the stairs two at a time. 

  
"Alright, long legs, you don't have to rub it in." Isa laughs as Florence picks Isa up and swings her around without second thought for how close they were to the stairs before placing her down and pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

  
"Are you joining me?" Florence says, airly walking away from Isa but still holding her hand. Isa stands still, tilting her head, not sure if Flo is being funny or if her offer is serious. "Isa?" Florence notices her friend hasn't moved. 

  
Isa snaps out of whatever trance she was in and lets Florence pull her by the hand. Sleeping together, taking baths together, getting dressed together were not new activities for either of them. They just hadn't done been so close for the last six years. Isa had always known how to calm Florence down, and running a bath with more bubbles than were sensible was one of them, other activities were something else. 

  
"Come here," Florence almost whispers, holding out her hand to Isa. 


	3. A calm tour, chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation from chapter one 'A calm tour'. Everyone is a couple of weeks into touring and Florence is starting to lose her mind. These are the parts of touring they have to forget in order to do it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was written around a (dark) thought I had while falling asleep one night. It gets pretty dramatic pretty quickly but I didn't know how else I wanted to write the concept. As I said none of these were intended for posting so *awkwardly shrugs*. Enjoy x   
> TW: mentions of suicide

It didn't felt like a week had passed, by the time everyone was starting to convene in the airport departures lounge, it seemed to have only been days. Florence and Isa had spent the last week slowly getting ready to leave, travelling around London, making sure to say all the goodbyes they needed to. One by one, Flo had called each new member of the band in some hope to make them feel more welcome and not so much in the dark about leaving. Isa stood in the highest heels she could find to make sure she wasn't at a complete disadvantage against Flo trying to use her as a leaning pole. 

  
"Bobby!" Florence shouts happily as Rob approached Tom, Isa and Flo, who were sat/stood around waiting. 

  
"Good morning, good morning!" He exclaims, pulling Florence in for a hug and then moved round to do the same to Isa. "Still not grown Bella?" He teases, going to clamp his hand on Tom's shoulder affectionately.

  
"Oh fuck off," Isa laughs, almost glad that he was teasing, at least it meant were back together. 

  
"Does anyone know when the others were due to arrive?" Tom asks, sitting down on the floor, they had another hour before they were boarding, but as always, the older you get, the earlier you felt you had to arrive at the airport. 

  
"Yeah, Aku called he says they're all in a taxi together with an ETA of 10 minutes. I need breakfast. I got kicked out of the door this morning without getting the chance." He whines, looking around for the closest shop. 

  
"You mean, Katie told you that you didn't have time for breakfast because you woke up late?" Florence infers, laughing at how dramatic men can be. 

  
It didn't even take ten minutes before Florence was stepping up and introducing everybody. Lucky for all of them, they were flying privately and had time to get to know each other a bit better. As they board the plane, Isa was is deep in conversation with Dion, and Hazel seems to be having some form of debate with Aku and Loren. 

  
As they all sit down, Florence finds Isa ready to fall asleep on her shoulder. She wants to get to know everyone better, but the start of the tour brings work anxiety, once the first show is over, she's usually fine. Isa places a protective arm over her shoulder and continues to talk to Dion about LA. Florence has to stop a smile appearing on her face, Dion keeps losing her train of thought after looking at Florence. With all nine of them on the plane, there is a lot of noise, added to the fact the Rob has already started teaching Hazel, Aku, Loren and Cyrus Dobble on the other two tables with seats. A game that involves shouting which picture you can see in common on your cards, fun but disruptive. 

  
"His favourite thing to do is beat everyone at that game." Isa laughs, looking at Dion. Florence closes her eyes as Isa runs her hands through her hair, hoping that she doesn't seem too rude. "Have you been on tour before?"

  
Dion looks out of the window, watching the plane float above the cloud line. "Yeah, I did, what, about four or five months with a few friends that were supporting. Nothing quite as big as this." She laughs nervously. 

  
"You'll get used to it quickly. It doesn't make a difference if you're doing arenas or pubs, if you're on the road and moving about, it's all the same aching joy." Florence says, deciding to open her eyes before she carries on. "You'll be fine here, don't worry." She smiles. 

  
"Thank you. Hopefully, there's always a lot to prove to people at home. Especially when they've told you that leaving is not a good idea." Dion awkwardly laughs.

  
"Oh god, that sounds all too familiar. Mum used to be just like that." Florence starts still laid across Isa. "But at the end of the day, if you stayed at home when you had the opportunity to leave, you'd just be brooding in regret." 

  
"You don't need to haunt people with the fear of regret as soon as you meet them you know Florence!" Rob shouts from across the aisle, making both of them laugh.

  
"Dion, I do apologise if I have haunted you." Florence laughs, mocking Rob's comment.

  
Lucky they all settle into easy conversations, and there is no awkwardness until Tom sees the way Flo is leaning into Isa. "So, as you will notice this tour, Flo and Isa are very close, meaning that if you see them like this," He waves his hands and ignores the warning glare Isa is aiming at him. "You're best just to leave it as the done thing and move on." He laughs, making everyone, including Florence, laugh.

  
By the time the plane has landed, Florence feels like she's known all of them forever. Everyone seemed very easy going as they wandered through an almost empty airport in the middle of the night. Rob and Tom were taking it in turns to push each other on the luggage trolleys, and everyone else was more than happy to walk with them and laugh at their antics. Florence was not so much watching Rob and Tom, she'd seen it all before, but she was watching Isa walking gracefully alongside Hazel and Aku, occasionally laughing at something on Hazels phone. Over the years, Florence had never really paid much attention to how much Isa had changed, she hates to think it, but she was always pretty occupied with her own life and trying to change herself. Isa had gone from cap-backwards, wannabe gangsta to angelic producer and creative. She must have noticed Florence staring at her because she lets Hazel and Aku walk in front.   
"What are you looking at, Miss Welch?" Isa jibes linking arms with Florence. 

  
"Nothing, nothing. Just you." Florence laughs as they finally make it out into fresh air. They split into taxis and, Isa makes sure not to let Florence get in the other. Rob gives them a knowing look as Isa leans into the taller women on the back seat. "Oi Bobby, you can stop with that look. You think after a transatlantic flight anyone has the energy for that." Florence pokes him, and Rob bursts out laughing, so does Isa. 

"Oh, well, scuffs my plans," Isa adds to the joke. Florence feels a pang of guilt for Dion and Cyrus, who have no idea how to react, so are awkwardly smiling. 

  
"Sorry guys, you'll get used to it." Rob looks over at them thinking his statement offers some form of condolence. 

  
By the time they get to hotel rooms, they'd compleated a whole eighteen hours of travel. Isa collapses on the bed in Florence's room without even thinking about taking luggage to her own. Flo laughs and lays down next to her. They don't even have to ask to know that Isa was sleeping here tonight and any unpacking/decorating can be done tomorrow. For now, all both girls want is to get rid of the clothes they'd been sitting in all day and fall asleep in each other's arms. 

  
"Night Flo," Isa whispers, spooning the younger girl and moving long ginger locks out of her face. 

  
"Night Bella," Florence can't help but hmm as Isa traces patterns on her back. "I'm really glad we're here, back on tour, you know?" 

  
"I know Flo, me too." She whispers in return. "Me too." 

Over the next three weeks, the band do nothing but talk between shows. All the worries of not getting on quickly faded out of everyone's memories, obvious smaller groups were forming, but overall there was a laid back and content feeling. The shows were going better than ever before, in Florence's opinion, although Rob thought that it was much more fun when the setlist would change every night and there was more climbing on-stage equipment. For the first time, Florence felt like she was truly in control of what happened on stage, and although she had to let go to perform well, she knew what she was saying, and there were no issues with interacting with the crowd. Travelling was tough at first, it always was, and unfortunately, the ones that had been on tour before knew there was a heavy three-week slump that would hit this week. Rob had originally coined the term when they were first all sleeping in a campervan Flo's dad had hired for them. Three weeks in, and there had been an explosive fight that left Isa, Tom and Rusty sleeping outside the campervan in the grass and the others comfortable inside. It turned out that with every start, there was always a group collapse at three weeks in. Once the realisation had hit that they would be on this bus for a few months more.   
Isa started to notice it hitting Florence first. Once, the girl who felt like touring was one big party but now someone who was struggling to face the thought of more white-walled hotel rooms and windows that didn't let in enough air in. 

  
They're all on an overnight bus transfer to Texas, and everyone had been skirting around Florence all week. She was on edge, and it was obvious. It wasn't like she was screaming and shouting, instead it was clear that if anyone so much as said a wrong word to her, she would simply break down and cry no matter where they were. It used to surprise Isa how quickly Florence could fall into such a depressed mindset until she realised it's probably one of the things she was drinking to avoid. Normally, everyone would be in bed and sleeping, but for some reason, all nine of them were still sat around the sofa area of the bus, with Rob and Aku on the floor after losing a coin toss. It was rather cramped, but everyone knew it was better than trying to lull themselves to sleep. 

  
"Why can't any of us sleep tonight?" Loren chuckles slightly. "Why aren't we all in bed trying to ignore Tom's snoring?" 

  
"Oi, I do not snore that loud!" Tom protests, jokingly throwing a pillow at Loren. "In all seriousness, I hate to be the mature one, but we have things to do tomorrow, we should all probably move and at least try and get some sleep." There was a collective nod of agreement. Goodnights were whispered, and slowly but surely, everyone used the bathroom and started climbing into bunks. 

  
"Come on Flo, that's our queue too." Isa smiles, holding her hand out for Florence to reach. Isa could tell immediately that this was when it was all going to fall. It had been on the horizon all week, and when Florence didn't bother responding, Isa knew the brace herself. 

  
"I don't wanna go to bed. I just wanna sit here and die." Florence said, not caring who else heard her. No one was anywhere close to sleeping.

  
"Hey, I know this isn't the most desirable location to be sat all day, but it's just the tour bus. You don't want to die, you want to look at some different walls. Let's go to bed, and by the time we get up, you will be hours closer to doing that." Isa waved her hand slightly, still waiting for Florence to take it so that Isa could tuck her in bed and play with her hair until she finally fell asleep. That's what they always did on endless days like this, that's what they always had done. 

  
"I'm okay to just sit here and fade away, to be honest. You go to bed Iz." Florence said, looking out of the window, her eyes tracking the last street light they passed.

By this point, a few of the band had started paying much more attention to the conversation. "Seriously, the hard pavement looks like a friend. Go to bed Isa." Flo stated again. Florence, making self-depressing jokes, normal. Florence, speaking as if she didn't care about death, normal. Florence joking that they were all gonna die eventually, so 'whatever', also very normal. But none of them had ever heard Flo so mono-tone claim that she didn't care if right here right now death came and took her. 

  
None of them apart from Isa. Even she had only heard Florence stay something as serious as this once before, and that was when she was shaking on the bedroom floor naked and retching after an overdose. 

  
"Florence, come on." Isa kneels and looks at her best friend with worry in her eyes. 

  
"I just can't. Too many white walls, too many roads that are all the same, too many nights bored and unproductive." Florence reaches her hand to pick up her phone, sounding exasperated before Isa interjects and moves the device over to the other seat. "No wonder I used to drink, wonderful stuff." Florence muses still monotone, in reality, she knows that they haven't been on tour that long, but it's of no comfort now.

At this point, the band tries to make themselves scarce, but Dion can't go to bed until Florence has moved as she's sitting under all of Dion's clothes. Isa knows all of them are listening, and she wishes more than anything they weren't but, this was no time for Isa to tell them all to stop being nosy, and there was no way she was going to move Florence anywhere more private. "I think I have a death wish." Florence slightly smiles while trying not to collapse in a ball under the weight of everything she was feeling. 

  
Isa knows this is no time to baby Florence. Someone needs to try and talk some common sense into her, and while all of the band were trying to pretend not to be bothered it was only Isa that was going to do this. She swallows back a sob and hopes that she'll know what to say without having to think too much. Seeing Florence like this was already enough to break her heart. She was used to erratic emotions, but Isa knows that this is more than that.

  
“Now, you look here, and you listen hard, Florence Welch,” Isa grabs both of Flo’s hands and holds them tight in her own. “Six years ago you were given a choice; you stopped drinking, or you died. Now you look who hasn’t touched the bottle in six years.” Isa looks Florence in the eye and carries on refusing to break eye contact. “Every day you wake up, and you choose to live, now most people don’t have to or get to make that conscious choice. But you do, and you know how little it would take to sit here and let it all slip." Isa carries on holding both of Flo's hands as she starts to cry. "Three years ago, when we used to stand on the edges of rooftops looking at the stars, you would always look down, always.” Isa let’s go of Florence’s hand to gently move Flor's head back from looking away. “But it’s been two years since the last time we stood on a roof, and you looked down, now all you do is look up and tell me about the constellations in the sky or describe the colour of the moon to me in fifty different words even though it’s the same fucking colour as the day before.” Isa pauses and tucks a stray strand of ginger hair back behind Florence’s ear before carrying on, “You know that tomorrow, you’ll wake up, and you won’t pick up the bottle, and you won’t pop pills, but instead, you’ll walk down to breakfast with me, and we’ll have pancakes and bacon and orange juice. Then we’ll take our vitamins, and the day will start.” Isa pauses and watches Florence breathing hiccup, she was now crying so hard that she was unable to control the breathes she was drawing. Isa hated to see it and could barely keep looking at her without pulling her in for a hug. But this message was important, and she wasn't just going to stop talking now. “You do not have a death wish Florence, you know how important it is to be alive in this world.” Isa grips her hands, shaking them slightly, trying everything to bring Florence back into a safe mindset. “You don’t have a death wish, you’re just having a bad day. They remind you you’re human in all these buzzing phones and bright computer screens. I know sometimes you want to jump into the river at behind the houses, but you won't because you're thirty-three not sixteen.” Isa looks at Florence shaking and lets the younger girl's head fall onto her shoulder. Isa wraps her arms around Flo and holds her for a moment. After several minutes she whispers, "Are you gonna come and get in bed with me then?" 

  
"Yeah, yeah." Florence gives her a small smile and stands up. "Erm, sorry Dion."

  
"Don't worry about it. Isa's right, it's a bad day, not a bad life." She gives Florence's hand a quick squeeze, and it's almost enough to push her over the edge back into tears. 

  
As soon as they're behind the thin separation wall that Isa starts to pull out an old tee-shirt she can put on and crawl into bed in. Florence wanders to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash the tears from her face. By the time she returns, Isa has pugged all the electronics in and is sat up in bed, obviously waiting. "Thank you." Florence smiles, looking down on the women she loves so much. Although she can't claim she's feeling any better, she is happy that Isa is here, in her bed, waiting for her to join. 

  
"Don't say thank you, but just know that if I could take all the pain from you I would." She offers a somewhat sad smile patting the bed next to her. Florence has stripped off and is standing in just her pants, but Isa knows this is no time to admire her, she needs hugs and to be held tight. Two things Isa can offer. "Hey, do you want a shirt to sleep in?"

  
"No, I can't deal with more layers. Things touching my skin." Flo collapses into the bed next to Isa. "Although I wouldn't mind if you took this off." Florence tugs at Isa's shirt. Isa can't quite believe that after just declaring that she wants to die she's trying to sleep with her. 

  
"I don't know Flo," She says, unsure of what is about to happen. 

  
"No, god no. Not like that. I just, want to lay against skin and," Isa notices that Florence has gone bright red and is looking down at the bedsheets. She can't help but chuckle at Florence constant weird thoughts but if having someone there, mainly naked, was going to help anything Isa was happy to oblige. Isa pulls her shirt over her head and opens her arms for Florence to move into. They lay together in easy silence, knowing that this too shall pass. 

  
"Thank you," Florence once again whispers into Isa's chest.

  
"Stop saying that." Isa scolds, looking down at Florence meeting her eyes. "I love you, you know. I don't want you to feel like this and anything, I mean anything, I can do to help I will." Isa says confidently. 

  
Florence smiles, not sure how to react, knowing that she has the most supportive women by her side through any of the feelings she doesn't know how to deal with. She constantly feels like a teenager again, lost with little direction of what is going to happen next. "Kiss me," She finds herself whispering as if, if any of this was said louder, it would be set in a stone neither of them could move.

There had been a time when they were a couple, before the drinking took over, before the times where fashion was the most important thing when leaving the house, before everything became real. For the best part of 2012, the two had been inseparable and couldn't think of a day when they'd be apart. Until that day came, until Isa moved to LA to focus on music while all Florence could focus on was calories and drink. 

  
Since all of that, neither of them ever been as close. They'd rebuilt a friendship best they could, and neither of them had suggested anything more. Even when they'd ended up falling into bed together over the past six years they knew it was a bad idea, and by the next morning, it was shrugged off. Nothing as intimate as a sober kiss in on a calm tour bus in the middle of nowhere had occurred, no matter how many times it had been thought of. 

  
Isa places her forefinger and thumb on Florence's chin and lets her lips meet the other women for the first time, like this, in eight years. Isa hadn't pulled away before she started smiling. "Now kisses are something I can do," She laughs before catching Florence lips again letting herself cup the other women's cheek, neither of them were thinking about what would be said about this tomorrow but for now it's what both of them wanted, it was what they were going to have if only for a night. 


	4. A calm tour, chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of 'A Calm Tour' but a throwback to 2014. Florence and Isa are dating but for the sake of both of them is it best to be in a relationship?   
> TW: Brief eating disorder (restriction)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this was written due to some late night thoughts and I think I've almost made it fit with the storyline of this story. 5,000 words of pondering an alternative reality. FYI, I don't think Florence and Isa ever dated and this story is completely made up, I'm sure it was nothing like this x

It's a cold a wet day in London town on February 2nd 2014. The new year had been welcomed in rather dramatically, and the January blues seemed here to stay. Both Florence and Isa had time off until Florence decided to do something else that would lead the band into another tour. But, for now, everyone was at home and learning how to live out of a cupboard and not just a suitcase. 

Isa and Flo had attended one of the bigger New Year's Eve parties in London. Somewhere they'd been invited but remained pretty anonymous, anonymous enough to be drunk and stumbling through the streets at three am before collapsing on top of each other in bed. As far as Florence can remember, the start of January was the last time Isa seemed not to be extremely pissed off at her. Since then, she had been met with irritated grunts whenever she tried to hug her girlfriend and shouting if she even dared suggest that Isa join her for a night out. Florence knew that since she'd returned from touring she'd let things slip, she could tell, and she knew that at some point she'd have to pay attention to this fact. That point was not today. 

It was halfway through the day, and neither of the girls had left the house yet, there simply wasn't any need. Isa had food in the fridge and seen as Florence had just seemed to stop eating, there was nothing to stop them living inside for the next few months. Florence was sat at the kitchen table with her laptop open in front of her lazily scrolling through Instagram, one of her latest obsessions. Isa had walked in only to make herself a sandwich and go back to mixing some beats with the equipment they had moved into Florence's when she had moved in. 

"Anything you want to do today, babe?" Florence looked up from the screen and pushed her seat noisily. She took to learning on the counter, where Isa was buttering bread. 

"Anything that doesn't involve alcohol, sure." Isa looked at her girlfriend and could still appreciate her beauty even if she was coming to the end of her rope with the chaos and constant mess. "Want me to make you a sandwich? Lunch?" Isa questioned as she was getting more concerned by the day. As much as her feelings towards Florence were complicated at the moment, she had known this girl since she was 18, and cared more than she would like to think. Watching her stop eating and simply start drinking instead was more painful than she'd like to admit. 

"Oh, come on, what's the point in that? We need to get out while we're still young! There are lots of clubs around London we still haven't explored." Florence laughs, sitting up on the counter. 

'You'll be lucky if you lived much longer at all.' Isa thought to herself but didn't voice it, they'd had a similar argument that had started the same way last night. Actually, most nights this week. Every morning, Florence would get up and pretend like it never happened at all. "Lunch Florence?" Isa looked up, using Florence's full name hoping to catch her attention. 

"No, I'm good thanks." Florence smiled, jumping off the side and slipping slightly over her own feet. Even at 27, she had the clumsiness of a 13-year-old. Isa would normally have found it endearing. Recently, Florence barely had the energy to walk without stumbling, or maybe it's just that her mind wasn't clear enough to walk straight. "I think I'll call Sophie and see if she wants to come out with me tonight then if you're refusing." 

Isa puts sandwich down and looks up sharply. "For fucks sake, Florence, it's a Wednesday lunchtime, and I've told you I'm not up for another night out. Another night of me dragging you home from whatever club you've got yourself paralytic in. I'd barely call that refusing." Isa knows that she's practically shouting now but, she can't help it. "Would one night kill you? Would it kill you to spend one night with the women you're supposed to love? To sit and watch TV and eat pasta?" 

Florence looks taken aback at her girlfriend's sudden outburst. "What the fuck, Isa? Why are you screaming at me for wanting to go out and not spend all day in this house?" Florence is raising her voice too and pretending that she doesn't know why Isa is reacting in the way she is. "Just because you can't stick it." She says harshly, she chooses not to tell Isa that a night of sitting still and eating pasta while completely sober scares the shit out of her. 

"God Florence, you mean because I can't go for days on nothing but vodka, grapes and ecstasy, I'm not able to stick it? You need help." Isa practically spits, not caring how much it upsets Florence at this moment. She knows that her girlfriend is hurting but, she can't ignore the ache in her chest every time she sees Florence skip another meal or throwback another pill. 

Isa watches as Florence cries and walks out of the kitchen. Whatever has just happened, the thought that Florence is going out without her tonight is petrifying. There was a constant fear that she wouldn't come home. When Evelyn said she'd just wanted Florence alive each morning, Isa was starting to understand the desperation. There's nothing she could do now. Once Florence had decided, there was no changing her mind. 

By 2 am the next day, Isa was pacing up and down the kitchen, ready to open a bottle of wine herself. Waiting for Florence to return home after a fight was painful. It doesn't help that Isa has no idea what state Flo will return in or if she plans to at all. She could decide to stay at Sophie's. Isa puts on the most calming record they own and keeps walking, trying to rock herself into a trace with the hope she might not care so much. 

By 2:45 she was getting ready to call Rob and start a search party even though she knows it isn't particularly late by Florence's standards. Rob doesn't know just how bad any of this has got. As soon as Isa hears the knock at the door she almost collapses in relief. This is quickly replaced by the knowledge that a knock means her girlfriend has lost her house key or forgotten that it's in her pocket (wouldn't be a first). 

When she opens the door, a rush of cold fresh air hits her face waking her up. Florence is leant against the door frame dressed in only a short green dress, and her hair messily tied up in a bun. Before Florence can say anything, Isa had noticed the blood dripping down her leg and the heels that are in her hands. 

"Jesus, child." Isa sighs, relieved but now also faced with the task of sobering Florence up and getting her clean ready to sleep. Isa is also silently thankful that this is a time she'll be able to get a high-calorie meal into Flo. 

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Just left my keys behind. Sorry I didn't mean to wake you." Florence says softly, and if Isa hadn't heard the slurring of words, then she might have thought the effects of the night had worn off. 

"You're fine. I haven't been to bed yet." Whatever Isa feels towards this girl right now, she knows it has to be forgotten. She just wants Florence to be okay. Tonight she needs to feed the younger girl and tuck her into bed, leaving discussions about addiction until tomorrow. "Come on, love, arm around me. Drop your shoes down there." Isa points and swings the door shut behind her. 

Isa leads the taller girl to the kitchen and lets her sit on the counter for the second time today. Florence looks out of it, and Isa knows she needs fluids and food. Nothing else is said as Isa goes straight to the fridge to make a peanut butter + jam wrap and a good cup of coffee. Isa throws Florence a blanket while passing one of the chairs it's slung around. The outfit Florence had chosen was not suitable for the cold weather outside, and Isa is still not sure if she had got in a taxi or if she's walked/stumbled home. 

"Are you mad at me?" Florence asks quietly, and Isa knows this is the start of the drugs wearing off and the world hitting her before her hangover does. 

Isa sighs. "No, I'm not mad. I just wish you wouldn't do this. It's Thursday morning, and you're drunk and high for the third or fourth time this week. It's not normal, Florence." Isa hands the neatly folded wrap over and hopes that there is no objection to it tonight. 

The taller girl takes a good look at what's in her hand before opening it up on the table. Before Isa can step in, she's scraped off a good amount of the peanut butter Isa had applied to it with the knife that was left on the chopping board. The sight almost makes Isa cry but, yet again, that conversation can wait until tomorrow. 

"I'm not exactly a normal 27 year old though. Normally I'd be getting up to go to work tomorrow, but I'm not. There doesn't seem like much of an incentive not to go out and have an excuse for staying in bed all day tomorrow." Florence looks up somewhat sadly at Isa. Isa doesn't start the suggestion that maybe she should go back to the studio, if not just to give her a schedule. "Why do you always look so disappointed in me?" Florence questions monotone, really pushing Isa to her limit. 

"Because of this, Florence. This all the time. You're sobering now but, god knows you when you normally get home at this time and, I clean you up, feed you, wipe away the blood and put you in bed. Then you don't even know how you got home in one piece last night. It's exhausting, quite frankly, it's not what I signed up for. Not every day." Isa looks into Florence eyes that are filled with tears. She can't do anything about that. The cuts were next on the list. "How did you do this?" 

"I was on a table, and then there was a glass," Florence does her best to remember. "I think I threw it on the floor and then fell off the table into the glass." Both of them are doing their best not to cry. This was what they used to laugh at. None of this was fun anymore.

Isa finds the medical kit and starts to move the shards of green glass out of her girlfriend's leg. This has got to stop, they couldn't last much longer. Isa was 33 and had things she wanted to do with her life, with her music. She loved Florence and the thought of leaving left a hole in her heart. But if this was how Florence intended to live, Isa needed to get off before she was thrown off. She keeps working in silence on Flo's leg, which is already covered in bruises that had been previously acquired. She loves this long, gangly creature that, at the moment, she seems to be on a warpath, with the final destination being death. 

Isa leads her up the stairs, and Florence is now sober enough to brush her teeth, get dressed and turn off the lights before she gets into bed with Isa snuggling herself into the nape of the blonde's neck. "Just hold me, please," Florence whispers into the darkness and soon feels Isa arms wrap around her, playing the protective role of big spoon yet again. 

"We're not doing this again, Florence." Isa breathes, not wanting her words to be real. "If you keep doing this, if you don't go and get help, I'm not staying. I can't." She blinks away her tears and feels Florence's falling against her skin. 

All Isa can remember from the months between February and June is shouting, hidden bottles in the recycling and a pretty constant stream of tears. As much as it hurt her then and still pains her now, Isa moved away. Not just a way to the next borough in London but away to LA. It was the hardest thing she'd ever done, to stand and break the heart of someone she loved so much because she'd been unable to fix it, was something Isa never wanted to do again. 

She'd moved to LA and not stopped working. In and out of fancy studios, at dinners with bosses, looking out over skylines that stretched so far that you could practically see London. It couldn't be further away from how she was living just four months ago. Her heart constantly aches any time she sees anything that reminds her of Florence. Whether that be a deck of tarot cards or an antique shop on the corner of the street, she was everywhere, and she didn't seem to leave. She'd set up a whole new Instagram account wherein she didn't follow anything that could mean Florence was on her feed. 

Today it was too hot for October, hotter than Isa had experienced in London at this time. Usually, she didn't have any plans, she'd worked every day this week, and it was now Sunday, time to sit down and breathe. The flat she had was decent and had started to feel like home. There were wires everywhere, but there was also tiny parts of the life Isa had lived so far scattered throughout the rooms. Isa poured herself a coffee and went to sit out on the shaded balcony. The cool breeze hit her, and the sun moved from behind the clouds for a few seconds. For the first time in a while, she felt the stress of constant work leave her.

Much against her better judgement, she decided to take her phone out and have a quick scroll through Florence's Instagram. Maybe she was just as prone to self-sabotage as Flo. She was relieved to see Florence alive, and by the look of it posting a lot. At the start of the year there are pictures from when they were living together, she can't help but miss it. She sees something from the end of March that boldly read 'Going nuts'. Isa could see random photos of them both that had been posted in April, just a few weeks before she'd moved out. She decided not to overthink it. With more scrolling, she tried to determine if Florence had got any of the help Isa had screamed that she needed. Isa could feel her heart getting heavier as she moved down the timeline. There were many photos of Florence with various friends and many random objects that were recognisable from around the house. A post of Florence's morning face almost made her cry, maybe she missed it more than she had let herself believe. 

Soon Isa changed over to viewing Sophie's much more private Instagram. Florence had her life looking pretty perfect. Sophie's is as real as ever and has pictures of Florence hungover and passed on on sofas, floors and street corners. Apparently, there hadn't been much change in behaviour. Isa scrolls to a post from August and finds a video of Evelyn. She knew it was only a week until her own birthday, and this video must have been from Florence's. It didn't bother her that she didn't get an invite, it was the first birthday they'd spent apart from each other, but she didn't really feel like she deserved to be there. She turns the sound up and watches a worried Eveyln speak with her hand on Florence's shoulder. "Almost an adult Flo," she starts to joke as Florence just laughs. Somehow Florence had found a dress with a picture of Joan of arch printed on it. "Nearly an adult and still in need of parental guidance. Thank you all for keeping her alive this year. Everything seems to have been getting more crazy by the minute, but please, please, stick around and make sure she doesn't die. Just for me." Evelyn continues to laugh, and so does everyone else. Isa knows the pain Evelyn is feeling and also knows that she can't just walk away as Isa can. This is a plea that Isa doesn't know how to meet. She knows she needs to call Flo and at least to check if she's okay. In her mind, she knows that there is a lot to be said for protecting herself. Is getting involved with Florence a good idea? She checks the date and knows that she may as well get this over with while she can. Isa had no plans to fly home and celebrate her birthday, so she may as well call now while she still had the guts. 

Several hours later and Isa has worked out that at three am in the morning would be lunchtime for Florence. That was the best time to talk. God, she didn't even know if she would pick up the phone. 

Isa takes a nap until one and then wanders around her apartment, tidying up and browsing the internet for pictures for the walls. Finally, she plucks up the courage to pick up her mobile and press call. Flo's name still had a kisses emoji next to it that she couldn't bear to remove. 

"Hey, Isa?" She hears Florence and then the TV that was playing loudly suddenly go quiet. 

"Hey Flo, I wanted to call and just say hi I can't think of the last time we spent this long not speaking." Isa starts not knowing how to interact with her ex-girlfriend that she hadn't spoken to in six months. 

Isa can hear Florence chuckle. "You know it's not my birthday today, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course, I know that, but I just wanted to check you were alive, to be honest." Isa trails off. She knows this was a bad idea, but she's also hyper-aware she can't just hang up now. "How is everything?"

She can hear Florence stop fiddling with whatever it was she was clicking in her hands. "Well, yeah. It's good, I guess. You'll be happy. Grace decided enough was enough and dragged me into a therapist office to talk about the shit tone of issues I currently face. As you can probably tell, there's a way to go yet, but it's being worked on." 

"I'm glad Flo, I am." Isa manages to say when all she wants to know is if Florence has eaten today and if she's warm enough and if she's taken some time away from drinking and if she's had a hug yet this week. 

"Yeah, I suppose so. I know technically I'm not supposed to say this cause we're not dating anymore and all that, but I miss you." Florence almost whispers. Isa swears she almost hears a tone of embarrassment.

"I know. I miss you too. It's pretty damn lonely out here. There's loads of great work to do, and I'm loving it, but there is no ginger hair on my pillows or trapped in my hairbrush. I'm finding it strange." Isa opens up. 

"Oh god," Florence laughs through the phone line. "Hey, as shit as I feel about all this, I understand why you went away now." Isa doesn't know what to say to this so, she stays silent, hoping Florence might elaborate more. "I'm not quite ready to admit this, but I know I have an issue with alcohol." All this of this feels like a final confessional to Isa. "And I know it's too much," Florence says, sounding suddenly unsure.

"Flo, it's not that you're too much. It's just that when there's alcohol and drugs and things getting smashed, you're no longer grounded in real life." Isa whispers, recognising why she decided to separate herself from the younger, more destructive women. 

"I know. I'm working through it. It's hard at the moment, but apparently, it only goes up from here." Florence quietly laughs. 

"I have no doubt that there's a way to go yet. I'm really proud of you, babe." Isa cringes at her accidental use of her pet name. 

"Thank you. Maybe I'll see you soon. I know you can't stay and I'm not asking you too, but if you're ever around here then, please stop by. Are you coming home for your birthday?" Both of them sit in silence for a few seconds, which is extremely unusual for them on a phone line. 

"I wasn't planning to, but all I've done for the last few months is work. Maybe we can go out for dinner? Somewhere quiet and then just watch movies?" 

"If that is what you want to do, then that is what we shall do." Isa can hear Florence's smile through the phone and knows that this was the right choice to make. She's set her boundaries, and a night of good food and TV couldn't really go wrong. 

Isa lets Florence hang up on her and doesn't even turn her phone off before calling Grace. She promised she wouldn't do this, but it's been six months and leaving Florence to struggle through this didn't seem fair on either of them. Isa goes and sits outside on the small balcony area she starts all her mornings on. In the coldness of October, it was still a comfortable temperature, even at three am. Before she sees Florence, she wants to know where her friend's life is at. This was information that she could only get out of Grace. 

"Hey Grace, I know it's been a while, but I'm gonna come back to London to visit Flo. I need to know what the situation is." Isa gets straight to the point. Grace is someone that refuses to take any shit. 

"Isa! Hey, well, first of all, I'm heartbroken that you're not flying back simply to see me, so rude." She starts with a laugh. "But I am glad to hear you're gonna come and see Florence."

"Me too, it's been too long. Yeah," Isa trails off, hoping Grace will pick up for her. 

"I can't say that she's any less in love with you, but she seems to have got to the point where she understands why what she's doing is a problem." Grace carries on sightly unsure. "She knows that the drinking is excessive and that at the moment, she's not the best person to be in a relationship with."

"Exessive?" Isa jumps in without thinking twice. "When I was with her she was drinking herself into fucking oblivion, Grace. Nevermind the fact I think the calories in the alcohol were the only thing keeping her alive. I want to be there for her more than ever, but if she's not accepted that it's all gotta stop, I can't stay." 

"Are you still in love with her, Isa?" Grace asks abruptly. 

"Of course, I'm still in love with her, Jesus." Isa pauses, not wanting to think about it but knowing now she's got this far she has to. "I just, I can't be with her in that way at the moment. Not until she's changed and things are calmer. It's gonna be a good few years yet." Isa admits for the first time. This wasn't going to be something they could get over in the next few months. Until both of them were calm, and as much as Isa hates to think it had been in other relationships, they weren't going to be able to keep each other safe. 

"So, do you think the two of you can be friends until that point? Florence is gonna try," 

Isa doesn't want to hear what she knows Grace is about to say. "I know. I know, and I'm fine with that. I can deal with all that. It's just getting her through recovery that I don't know how to deal with." 

"Okay, okay. So, where to start? She is now much more willingly attending therapy, she's eating like normal again, though that doesn't really go to say anything apart from the fact that her body is not about to collapse underneath her. The mental part of her eating disorder is driving her into a puddle of tears pretty much every day at the moment." Grace stops, and Isa wonders how she's coping with all this. "Apparently, that's all a long process that she's working through. All we can do is hold her and encourage her." 

Isa silently thanks Grace for such a straight forward list. "Okay, got it. Make sure she knows how important it is to keep eating and that she needs to do her best to ignore the brain bit." Isa confirms. 

"Yup, that's good. Then the drinking has now come to the attention of her therapist. It's been difficult to work out what's going on with this though, I only know what Florence will tell me in the car on the way home. She says that she's been told that formal de-tox it's the best option if she's got adequate support at home." 

"I'm sure she has the best of support," Isa tries to push. 

"She does, she does. I wouldn't mind some backup though. As much as she tends to decide to make bad decisions, you also now how headstrong she is. If we can convince her to set her mind to this, she'll be okay. It's just gonna be dragging her through the next few months."

"Right, I'm coming then. I just want her to be okay, Grace." Isa sighs trying, not to start crying. Grace had obviously dealt with the worst of this.

"I know Iz, I know. You don't have to stay, but it would be nice if you came back just for a bit. Also, Mum keeps asking about you, and I'm running out of things to say." Both of them laugh.

"Grace, how are you? This is a lot for you like really." Isa asks awkwardly.

After another half hour of talking to Grace and trying to be as comforting as possible, Isa goes straight to booking a plane ticket. She's not going to be able to stay, but she wants to be there in an as healthy way as she can. 

So that's how they spend the next few months. With Isa working happily, visiting pretty frequently, and Florence pulling herself through the weeks until it's less of a pull and more a peaceful walk. At some point, when all the dregs and the drugs had been put to bed, Florence started to visit Isa in LA, meaning that there was even more temptation to get back to writing. Isa knew when Florence decided to go back to work, Flo had spoken to her about it. There was no need for either of them to ask why Isa wasn't going to be there. She was going to write an album that Isa knew she couldn't help with, not without them both suffering heartache. When Isa had first heard what had been created as they spent time apart, she cried. It had arrived on an email attachment with the promise that they would go and listen to it anywhere Isa wanted once the first listen was over. 

There was no stopping the tears while Isa sat at her kitchen table alone, waiting for the tracks to play through. She knew what had been written about her, and what had been written about boyfriends, she could even tell you which people were simply metaphors. Everything seemed so raw and yet somehow like things had healed. Not healed, but instead scabbed over so that they were nearly better. All that was left was to find the friendship they had before there was addiction and heartbreak to deal with. Between the two of them, and only the two of them, Isa had dealt with her fair share of personal shit this year. She'd only told Florence the extent of it when she knew that she was well enough to cope. It hadn't been easy, but in some strangled way, they'd made it.

They both had time to rebuild before there was an album cycle. Florence had finished the album, but there were people she needed to sit down with and play it to before she could let even a word of it go. 

Isa listened to the last track with a sigh and took to text Florence.  _ "Never been more of a mess but never been more proud. I'm not sure where I can put all this love down but I want to be at the Hollywood sign. With you. We made it."  _ Isa hoped that dealt with the said and the unsaid. Soon Florence would be up a hill at sundown, soon that would be that. 


	5. A calm tour, chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Florence and Isa have a breaking in their touring schedule and conversation arrises about the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty fluffy, I did have the intention to make this a lot longer but no. No such thing happened. PS, this is turning into one of the strangest plots, I have no idea what is going on anymore!

It had been a good couple of months since Florence had fallen apart on the tour bus, and they'd hit their first three-week touring break. Although they had to start the Europe tour leg in the next few days, for now, everyone was back home and probably dreaming of the stage. Isa hadn't bothered taking any of her things home instead, she'd moved in with Florence once again. Nothing was official but, she didn't want to leave. Isa was sat on the cushioned seat in the bay window of Florence's living room. It was still cold in April in London but, when the sun was streaming through the glass it was practically tropical, so much so that Isa had her favourite sunglasses on to read her book. 

"Isa?" She heard Florence shouting from where she'd been typing furiously, all morning. "Isa, where are you?"

  
"I'm only in the living room." Isa laughs, waiting for Florence's footsteps to approach her. "Oh, look you've found me!" Isa laughs again as Florence stands in front of her in a long beige skirt and a floating blouse. Not an outfit that she could go outside in, she'd freeze. For a day in the house, she looked like a fairy ghost. 

  
Florence sits down on the sofa not far from Isa and just looks at her until she takes her sunglasses off. "Did you wanna talk about something, or are you just looking at how beautiful I am?" Isa jokes, making Florence smile. 

  
"You know when we broke up?" Florence starts and takes Isa by surprise. They didn't talk about this. Talking about sobriety was fine, but anything more from that time had always been unofficially off-limits. "You told Grace that it would be a few years until we'd even have a shot at being together again." She must have seen Isa's worried look so quickly adds, "You were definitely right, and I'm glad you made that call." 

  
"Are you okay?" Isa asks, unsure and Florence just laughs. 

  
"You're not making this easy are you?" Florence smiles as if she's waiting for Isa to magically catch on. "Both of us know that there was no way we would have made it through that time and still be friends now if you hadn't been the sensible one. I also know that that wasn't a lot of fun for you." 

  
Isa gets up and goes to sit next to Florence, this was a lot of talking about something that Isa had never been comfortable around. She feels guilty that she was never really there dragging her through the drinkless days, she only ever visited for a week at a time until they were back on tour together and, Florence was long past the worst of it. At the time, that seemed like the only way forward. Now, Isa looks back on it and wonders why she had to be so mature, why she couldn't have taken the chance and come home more. 

  
"I'm not sure that's how I'd put it Florence," Isa says warily, taking Florence's hand in her own. 

  
"Well, that's how it happened." Florence started chuckling to herself again, and Isa couldn't help but feel like this was some sort of joke that she'd been left out of. "What I'm trying to say is, it's been a few years now, and I'm comfortable enough saying that life is a lot calmer. I think this is where I'm supposed to be. Living without the constant self-destruct setting." Isa starts to see where this is going next as soon as Florence looks down and caresses her fingers. "I just miss my girlfriend," Florence adds, looking straight at Isa after a couple of seconds of silence. "We act like a couple but," 

  
"Something is missing. I know what you mean." Isa interrupts her and looks at the younger women's expectant face. "The trust that you have to have to date someone isn't there if we haven't made it official." Isa gently takes both of Florence's hands in hers and sighs.

  
"It's okay, Isa, it doesn't matter. We're good like this, and both of us are happy so." Isa hears Florence starting to backtrack on the conversation, now it's her turn to laugh. She sees Florence still looking worried and doesn't know what she can do other than lean in to kiss Flo. 

  
"Shut up," she giggles and pushing Florence back, leaving her laying on the sofa with Isa on top of her. Isa pulls away for long enough to make her next statement heard. "I trust you." Isa kisses her again. "I trust you and, if you want to date me, then I'm here. I just didn't know if that's what you want cause, you know, everything's different now." Isa stops as Florence kisses her again, pulling Isa down into her.

  
"So Isabella Summers, do you think now I'm a little saner, you would like to be my girlfriend?" Florence laughs, wrapping her long arms around Isa's waste trying to bring her even closer than she already is.

  
Isa leans in to kiss her again. "Hmm," Isa teases, twisting one of Florence's long locks around her hair. "Yes, yes and yes." She smiles, cupping Flo's face. Although it hadn't bothered Isa, that Florence had asked her to kiss her on the tour bus weeks ago, she knew that it wasn't a normal thing. Florence pushes Isa up so she's sat on her lap, all a tangle of limbs together. Somehow in the bright light of day, this is more intimate than undressing one another to shower off the smell of bars and clubs. It's not long before kisses have changed into bites down necks and smiles into quiet moans. Isa slides her hand under Florence's blouse knowing how the girl below her will react. 

  
"We can't do this here," Florence breathes into Isa's neck. Logically she's right, in the living room with the curtains open in Camberwell was a recipe for disaster. 

  
"Come with me," Isa whispers pulling Florence off the sofa with her and leading her up the stairs.

"What are you smiling at?" Florence laughs, looking down at Isa, who is laid across her chest. 

  
"You," Isa stops to press kisses to every part of Florence's stomach, making the taller girl giggle. "I'm really proud of you." Florence doesn't answer but instead runs her fingers through Isa's hair. It'd taken years of a dull background ache for them to be together. Neither of them will deny that they'd loved other people and been happy in other places, but here was where they wanted to be right now. 

  
"I'm sorry I was such a mess for so long. I," Isa interrupts her by moving her hands up her body and placing a finger on Florence's lips, telling her to be quiet. 

  
"Shh, it's okay." Isa smiles, kissing Florence for what must be the hundredth time today. "I'm just offended I didn't get a song about it like Grace. It's all well and good telling her you're sorry about her birthday, but honey, what about my best dress you threw up all over?" Isa prods Florence making her laugh. 

  
"You seriously don't catch on to anything do you?" Isa moves, snuggling into the side of Florence. "I wrote the whole of June about when you would visit while I was going through treatment only to sit and watch TV. Did I really need to title it 'Isa'?" Isa knew that a lot of what was mentioned in the song were things they'd done together, but she didn't necessarily believe that she was the only one Florence had spent time with, she'd presumed it was about a boyfriend. 

  
"Jesus," Isa laughs as everything starts to click. 

  
"Don't cry, don't cry." Florence pulls Isa's body into hers. "What's the matter?" Florence asks in the softest voice.

  
Isa didn't even realise she'd been crying. "Nothing nothing!" Isa smiles again, knowing she looks a mess. "It's as if the last few years have crashed down, and this is it. Just this, nothing else." Isa looks up from where her head was laid on Florence's chest. "It's like I've been waiting for the next big drama, but maybe there just isn't one?" Isa laughs, not knowing how she feels or why this is suddenly so emotional. 

  
"No, there isn't one." Florence just holds Isa against her. Over the past two hours, the sun had disappeared, and all they could hear was the rain. In bed seemed like the perfect place to be. "Well, unless you start watching Corrie again. Then there is bound to be a big drama." Both of them laugh as Florence lets Isa roll off her and reach over to her phone that was now beeping. "Who is it?" 

  
"Just Millie," She stares at the screen for a few seconds longer and then looks over at Florence, who is shamelessly laying on her back naked and plaiting her hair.

"Hey, Millie." Isa starts. "Can I call you later, I'm kinda busy?" Isa asks, never one to say more than she has to. "Thank youuuu. Love you. Bye, bye." 

  
Florence chuckles at Isa's telephone voice she has heard so many times over. "You're not busy, you could have spoken to her." 

  
"But my girlfriend is laid naked in bed next to me. Why would I want to be on the phone?" Isa asks cheekily, biting Florence's neck and only stopping when she knows a small bruise will form in her wake. Florence pulls Isa on top of her, and Isa can't help but sharply inhale at the contact. 

  
"You just want more," Florence whispers into her ear, and Isa can't deny it. She does, and nothing is stopping her from getting it. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading x


End file.
